sweet Baby of ours. we discovered you were on your way April 15th, and rejoiced, Daddy n’ I. you have three big sisters who will love on you here, and two siblings in Heaven, who love you just as much! this time around, we’re not telling many people…especially not family. your brother, Isaac, was the first to go Home last year. he was joined quickly thereafter by a sister, Gracelee. we all fought through ugly grief, and God pulled us through, but not without tears shed. should things NOT go according to OUR plan with this pregnancy, and your Angels guide you Home before we meet, well, we just couldn’t lay that burden on our family’s hearts.

your oldest sister here…she knows deep inside that you ARE growing inside of me. it makes me laugh when i recall her poking my belly weeks ago. giggling “you gotta baby in yer tummy, mama!”  this truly was before we knew you were on your way, so i laughed and replied “no, dear, it’s just your mama likes cookies and hasn’t been hitting the gym like she should.” we’re going to tell the adults in our family in June about you, and then tell our girls a bit after. they were there both times. first when we lost Isaac, then when we discovered Gracelee’s heart stopped beating and she, too, was going to Heaven. and they put on super-brave faces, for a 5, 2 and 1-year old.

the end of last year was a blur. in addition to the two unexpected pregnancy results, we also sold our home after being there for seven years. the first contract fell through, and the guy who ended up buying it was not a young family we expected to live there. we had been going full-steam ahead since before the FIRST contract, putting a contingent offer on a home on the opposite side of town. on a lake, we believed it to be our dream home. inspections, repairs, appraisals, etc, ensued. and then, seemingly at the eleventh hour, we no longer felt that was our home.

so back out we went with dear Jana. she was a champ…took us to 19 homes in ONE day. well, we ended up finding THE one during that Wednesday. the sellers had moved to florida, and the next-door-neighbor was their sellers’ agent. and HE just happened to be on a plane to australia the DAY we put the offer in. for a month 🙂  Jana said countless times “y’all KNOW this will be a Christmas miracle if it all comes together before the end of the year, right?” we moved in december 31st.

this year, with the theme “it’s GRACE we will GLEAN in 2014,” we knew good things were in store. just not sure what. sooooo, when we found out you were on your way, we praised Jesus. Every. Chance. We. GOT! the nurse practitioner who i saw first, to confirm the pregnancy said something like “you’re not feeling the baby move or anything yet, right?” to which I answered “nope! just gas.”  the next day God convicted me…from here on out, every pop, bubble sensation or noise from my tummy will be credited to you, my dear.

today, april 28, the day started a bit—a lot—frightening. i went to the bathroom and saw spotting. and fear kicked in. daddy went to work while i awaited word on when the ultrasound would be. he joined me for our 1:15 appointment. the lady who was called in right before i was called up to the front desk heard my name, turned around and said “that’s my daughter’s name!”  then the lady at the front desk was wearing a scrub top with butterflies, which hold a lot of significance for our family. the woman who took us back had a necklace with three diamond circles on it. immediately i thought of the trinity.

when the test began, they did a sonogram on my belly. looking at the black void on the screen, with the miscarriages coloring my perceptive lens, i said “she’s gone, isn’t she?” the sweet tech said, “hon, you’ve got to realize we are really early and you have a full bladder. there’s the gestational sac, there’s the yolk sak. you are pregnant…just early.” whew. daddy and i sighed with relief.

next she did a sonogram technique which allowed them to see internal details more clearly. still, you’re a very tiny peanut-pie. she took measurements. asked me to hold my breath. then breathe. over and over a few times. 

we met next with the radiologist who said “yes! we see your baby.” the heartbeat is a bit slower than we would like, but we’re still early. we would like you to come back in a couple weeks after you talk with your doctor. daddy looked at me in the parking lot before getting in his car to head back to work and pumped his fist several times “yes! yes! yes!” we’re both so thrilled.

fast forward to 4:30 pm today. making dinner in the kitchen and hear the 88.5 dj say “call in with your ‘i believe’ statements” over the next hour, the next 8 songs. we’re stringing them together into a montage at 5:30. somehow, the Angels kept your sisters preoccupied in the kitchen while i ducked into the bathroom to call the radio station. “i believe that this baby will be born with the strongest heartbeat yet, december 2014!” the dj said “wow! that’s big stuff” or something like that. i asked him if he had time to hear the rest of the story, and he gladly said he did. when he asked for my first name and daddy’s, and asked if the New Life team can pray for us, I assumed that he meant staff.

the montage at 5:30 started with lighthearted “i believe” statements. and then i heard it…my voice sounding a lot braver than i felt, right in the middle of the montage. @ 1:12 … wow. i was stunned. have a listen, why don’t you?

what happened next, though, was a bigger shock. a mere 15 minutes after the montage, the voice of the dj came back on, and his words sounded strangely familiar. oh my HEAVENS. there it was. the rest of our story. broadcast for kansas city to intercede on our behalf. even while none of our family knew about you!

talked with lori about what went down, and she asked me if i realized what was happening. i’m not sure that i wrapped my head or heart around it. but then i saw the word “EPIC” in my mind.

your story, precious, precious child, is going to change so many hearts. so many people’s lives. and i’m honored that God sent you to daddy and i. we love you so much!